I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
