covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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