Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
