I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
