I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
