She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
my poor anus
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
