I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
