The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
