HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
