He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
