is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
