Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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