it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I will be naked everywhere
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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