I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
