Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize