Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
