He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
