It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
