FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
