I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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