peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
