I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
