I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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