this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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