My girlfriend figured out who you are.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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