So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
