i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
