yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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