Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
