I want to have your abortion
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
