i think my tv is drunk
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
