does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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