Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm both gender and math confused
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
