so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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