big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
