as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
