Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Fuck appropriateness.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
