i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
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