i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have tasted many bathrooms
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
