I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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