Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
