Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
