the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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