she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
