I need help removing her.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
