Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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