So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
