ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
