I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
