I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
