It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
