is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
