oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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