Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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