Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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