I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
