1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
