what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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