remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
