Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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