i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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