I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
