Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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