that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
