Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
