But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize