Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Green mimosas i think yes
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I FOUND THE LEGS
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize