you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My breasts were aching with rage.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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