You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
