alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When did angry sex become our thing?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
