I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
