i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There r osticjed everywhere
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
