We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
