You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
