Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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