ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
