what day is it and did you see me today?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
