my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize