...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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