I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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