you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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