honey bunches of taint.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
