i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am midnight drunk by noon
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
