so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
