So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
