Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
