You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize