they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
