There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize