I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My ass is underappreciated
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
