Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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