So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
