quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
