i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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