Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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