Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
