I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
